Merry Christmas!

Okay, so I'm not the best at thinking on the fly...

Not a great post - my mind's on food.

I've been on "vacation" (read: holiday lay-off) since the 18th, and I decided that this year I will do my best to lose 7 lbs. in 14 days. It's now the 22nd and I realize how impossible that is for me. However, I think I might be able to get through the holidays without gaining the 12 lbs. Dr. Phil says most of us will pack on. How, you ask?

My plan:
Work out for 20 minutes every day
Take measurements every day
Weigh myself every day

Why am I doing these things every day? Although I was told that it is terrible to measure your progress every day because of the natural fluctuations in your body, I want to measure every day as a reminder of my goal! Ahem, my new goal of not gaining weight. So far, I think I've done well enough. I've learned a couple of things already:

• I do have time to work out, as long as I don't expect more than 15 minutes at a time, ever. I've been doing it during the kids' bathtime.
• My measurements are all over the place - the fluctuations are funny. Either I'm doing it wrong or I gain/lose a quarter inch each day, not to mention a few pounds at a time!
• Working out makes me ravenous. I could eat all. the. time.

Speaking of which, I'm hungry. But it's bedtime. Aw, heck, I'll work it off tomorrow. Time for a bedtime snack!

Gifting from the Inside Out

Every Christmas season, I get the blues. I experience anxiety from the excitement of gift-giving and my birthday, and I end up feeling down and out, with an urge to stay in bed and pull the covers over my head until the normalcy of January returns.

This year, those feelings are minimal. I think I have found the cure for my Christmas Blues: charity.

In previous years, I fretted over getting a perfect gift for acquaintances and coworkers. This year, after shopping online for what felt like hours, I settled on buying each person a chicken. After clicking the "checkout" button, I felt my heart skip. That wasn't the normal pang I get from Buyer's Remorse... it was happiness! Omigosh, I felt great! Not only was my gift perfect, it was helpful and not at all wasteful! Score!

In addition to gifting livestock, I have found that focusing on others really helps with my birthday anxiety. I'm having so much fun this season by making people around me feel special and important - exactly the way I thought I was entitled to feel on my birthday. Everyone, this is way better. I complimented the cashier on her earrings. I talked to the quiet lady in the waiting room. I asked the elderly man how he was, and I listened to the answer. I found something nice to say to random people, and got smiles in return.

Bonus: I found out people are really interesting. And some people really have a chip on their shoulders, but I'm glad they're not wasting my time.

This year, finally, I'm starting to get it. It only took 3 decades, but for once, it really is the season to be jolly! Happy holidays, everyone! {{hug}}

p.s. This post really made me seem like I was a very shallow person. I'm actually quite shy, but I'm ignoring that fact as I come out of my comfort zone. I do care about people, and always have. I'm just showing it now.
p.p.s. If I ever made you feel bad and struck you as a shallow person, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

A Shake-Your-Head Moment

This just reinforces my hatred of hot dogs, and my opinion that the restroom should not be so close to the kitchen. Once upon a time, in my office...

Loosen up, Buttercup.

I work in a facility that has a Social Committee. I know, gag me, too. But, in the name of politics, I play nice, pay my fee, and participate like a good employee. One thing I just can't seem to do with my coworkers, though, is loosen up.

I'm not sure what the mental barrier is, but when I'm outside of my designated work area but still around my coworkers, I shut up. I'm talking bona fide wallflower material. I smile politely, nod when appropriate, and titter at all of the jokes, even the ones I don't get. That's pretty much as far as I go.

It turns out my behaviour is not going unnoticed. My boss quipped that he suspects I may be writing down what others say in case I need it for revenge or blackmail one day. Not a bad idea, but it's not true (yet). 

Truth is, I've been under the impression that one needs to have a personal life and a professional life, and the two should never mix. I don't know where I got that from, but I've always behaved that way. Should I let my boss know what I really think of that one annoying client? Hells no! Do my workmates need to see me shake my fanny in any fashion? Nuh-uh. Do I even like these people for who they are? Some of them. I really hate the others.

Am I being shy? Yes. Am I being guarded? Yes. Am I covering my ass? Yes. Am I also a snob who is picky about who gets to see the real, nerdy me? Yup.

If you've ever heard my baby-scaring guffaw, feel privileged. You're in my good books. If not, I probably work with you.

The Santa Bill

"What are you asking Santa for?" I asked my daughter recently. Like many a mother, I'm taking the direct approach with regards to making a Christmas list.

"These dolls. They're so beautiful, and I think I want all of them." She was looking at a Maplelea Girls catalogue that her father let her peruse. Apparently, dads don't understand the power of suggestion. Alas, that's a separate rant entirely.

Maplelea Girls are $100 a piece! As much as I love my little girl, there is no way I can afford to get her one of those, let alone the 5 she was asking for.

"Gee, those are a bit pricey, don't you think?"

"Don't worry, Mom. I'm asking Santa, not you!" Sigh. And it starts.

Now, maybe I suffered from a Bad Mommy Moment, but I couldn't stop myself from making a desperate attempt to nip the Santa Gimmes in the bud (yes, you nip things in the bud, not the butt. Well, I don't go around nipping butts, anyhow). Where was I? Geez, these asides really run my train of thought off the track.
OH, yes. She mentions the fact that Santa's getting her list, not me. So I immediately launch my counter-attack: The Santa Bill.

"Sweetie, it's very kind of you not to expect me to buy you a gazillion dollars worth of dolls, but perhaps you didn't realize that, although Santa might bring you the toys you want, someone has to foot the bill, and that person would be me." After explaining to her what "foot the bill" means, I explained to her that Santa's charity only goes so far. He has to pay for his upkeep, and the elves are more widely accepted in society now so they are more integrated than before which means they need some green to get by. The world population has multiplied exponentially since the time The Night Before Christmas was written, and the North Pole has shrunk, so really, the same amount of workers are trying to manufacture a lot more product in less time with less resources, which means they're using better quality and more efficient equipment that probably has to be maintained and/or replaced annually, if not more often. In light of these and other supporting facts, Santa is now billing parents for what he deems "excessive requests" at his discretion.

Oh, yes, I went on for minutes that might have seemed like hours to my daughter. When I finally stopped, she looked at me glassily and said, "Fine. I just want a School Set."

Oh, crap. Move over, Christmas Bill Panic. Guilt is coming to take over. I'm going to have to get her one of those dolls, aren't I?

The Last of the Booksy, plus a Hallowe'en secret

Day 29 – Saddest character death OR best/most satisfying character death (or both!)
Okay, I'm going to put on my nerd-glasses and tell you that I was so upset when Professor Dumbledore died! Then I got angry at a literary inconsistency in which everyone wondered W.W.D.D. but no one consulted his portrait. Idiots.
p.s. The most satisfying death was Jack Randall's in Outlander. Shhhh, I know, but don't spoil it. Don't!

Day 30 – What book are you reading right now?
I plan on finishing Plum Spooky tonight, and I've already started The Scarlet Letter. I'm listening to the audio-version of Fragile Things, too.

The Hallowe'en Secret:
I hate Hallowe'en. What, that's not a secret? Oh. Bring on the Christmas season!

Booksy - 4 days' worth!

Oh, don't act like you're not happy that I'm not posting a few sentences every day. Everyone loves a digest, right? Actually, I'm not much of a fan myself.

Day 25 – Any five books from your “to be read” stack
At random:
Sophie's Choice (I'm still not at all sure what this book is about. WAIT DON'T TELL ME!)
High Fidelity (I've heard it's better than the movie.)
Hawaii (I think I want to read this again at some point.)
The English Patient (I can't seem to get rid of this book, so I might as well read it.)
Shogun (This is a huge book. It better be good. Or else.)

Day 26 – OMG WTF? OR most irritating/awful/annoying book ending
Needful Things! The tiny demon riding away into eternity in a chariot? Really? It was a creepy book until I read that. Maybe that's a good thing, because I don't get nightmares as a result.


Day 27 – If a book contains ______, you will always read it (and a book or books that contain it)!
Humour. Aha, you thought I'd say sex, huh? Nope. I need to laugh! The Stephanie Plum series always makes me laugh out loud!


Day 28 – First favorite book or series obsession
The Babysitter's Club. It all started with Kristy's Great Idea, and then my own fever for entrepreneurial feats began! Remember the Club International? It was a "spy agency" I began that was free of charge... with 25 cents tax. Kids.

Happy Reading, all!

Three more days' worth

Ok, this will be quick because I have water filling up the laundry tub and I need to put something else in there.

Day 22 – Favorite non-sexual relationship (including asexual romantic relationships)
Calvin and Hobbes! This has to count. What do I love about them? I like the fact that Calvin is so rough around the edges, but Hobbes (which is really a separate part of Calvin's personality) lets loose with the lady love. It's a perfect way to show the reluctant maturity of a little boy, or so I believe, never having been a boy, nor having any male offspring to observe. Meh. They're funny.

Day 23 – Most annoying character ever
Scarlett O'Hara. She's whiny, selfish, spoiled, conniving... not to mention fun to read about. Just because someone is annoying doesn't mean she isn't interesting. I'm just really glad I don't actually know anyone like her.

Day 24 – Best quote from a novel
"I'd rather look a fool than be right and fail to act."  Richard, Soul of the Fire.

I love this quote because in all honesty this is the kind of thought that separates the brave from the meek. Not only that, but it reminds me that even though I might look silly, there is always the small chance that what I'm doing really will stop that bully, save that baby, make someone's day and save his life. 

Later, gators.

Stumped and erased!

To make a long story short, I didn't post because I was stumped again, and then when I did post, it was erased somehow. The 'net is unreliable.

Day 19 was, I think, the best book cover, and I can't choose one. The covers don't really interest me! Do you have any favourites?

Day 20 was best kiss, and I couldn't choose that, either, because the kisses I remember distinctly are disturbing (e.g.  between Jamie and Jack in Outlander...) Ah, spoiler. Sorry.

Day 21 – Favorite romantic/sexual relationship (including asexual romantic relationships):
Oh, definitely Jamie Fraser and Claire Beauchamp Randall Fraser (Outlander series). I love how passionate they are, not only sexually but in every aspect of their relationship. They aren't half-assed about any of it. It kind of reminds me of my own marriage, except Jamie and Claire tend to be more, uh, violent, at times.

Stumped by Booksy

I know, I'm not actually doing well on the "daily post" thing, but the truth is: I was stumped. The next topic was:

Day 18 – Favorite beginning scene in a book

I don't have one! Usually I'm pulling my hair out trying to make it through the first scenes in order to give a book a fair chance (this is what I call the "50-page test - where I give it the ol' college try for 50 pages before giving up).

I do, however, have a favourite opening line:
"Marley was dead: to begin with." Aaaaaahhhhh, Dickens, you brilliant old whip. You had me at "dead." So there you have it: it's not a scene, but I dare you to find a book that has a better opener than that.

A hard night

Tonight I put D2 down without nursing her - for the first time ever. She fell asleep faster than I thought she would, and I still got to cuddle with her, but I can't help but feel a little heartbreak knowing that we're moving on to a new chapter in our lives and I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Time passes whether I want it to or not, and it never speeds up nor slows down according to my whim. I can only hope that time will take this feeling of utter sadness as quickly as it stole the last baby I'll ever have.

More Booksy

The famed "Crick-in-the-neck kiss"

Day 15 – Your “comfort” book

This would have to be Gone With the Wind. I know, it's a silly story that's slightly offensive, but it was the first "adult" book I had ever chosen for myself and read (in Grade 7 from a book fair) and I was so proud that I read it that it left me with feelings of nostalgia.


Day 16 – Favorite poem or collection of poetry

Chicken Soup with Rice, no doubt!
 
Day 17 – Favorite story or collection of stories (short stories, novellas, novelettes, etc.)
My favourite story is Tatterhood by Robin Muller. It is quite violent now that I have read it recently, but I never thought about it twice when reading it as a child, and, remembering how much I liked the story when I was young, I don't think about the violence now as I let my daughter read it. I talk to her about what's going on and don't just leave her to ponder the situations on her own.

To Be Cont'd

I'm so tired lately! I'll update soon, but not tonight. For a booksy tidbit, though, I'll treat you to info on what I'm reading:
• A Game of Thrones - it's taking me forever to get through this because it requires concentration to sort out the myriad of active characters.
• The Time Traveller's Wife - I'm really enjoying this one! So far I like it a bit better than the movie.
• Jane Eyre - after the first chapter it finally got me very interested.

What are you reading?

Booksy, Day 14

Day 14 – Favorite character in a book (of any sex or gender)

Ah, if you know me well, you know the answer to this one! Can you guess?
...
...
...

That's right, it's Benjamin Nushmutt! Introduced in Wayside School is Falling Down, he epitomized the entirety of my awkward tween-to-teen years. No matter what he did or said, no one bothered to get to know the real him. In fact, the entire class (including the teacher) insisted that his name was Mark Miller, and he was too shy/awkward/afraid to correct them. To say the least, my coming-of-age was what I call "Nushmutty."

Booksy - Day 13

Day 13 – Favorite childhood book OR current favorite YA book (or both!)

Because I'm sick of typing about Pooh, I'll choose something else. When I was smaller, I loved Chicken Soup with Rice. I still love it, actually, and I try to convince my kids to love it, too. D1 is warming to it, since she can now read with cadence, but D2 is uninterested so far. I'll keep at it.

p.s. - I guess I was wrong about not reading any book 5 times.

Booksy, Day 12

Day 12 – A book or series of books you’ve watched more than five times
Uhm, that makes no sense.
I haven't read a book for myself more than 5 times, either. I have, however, watched The Princess Bride more than 5 times, and that's based on a book, so I'm sure that counts.

What day am I on?

Oh gosh, days are just blurring together lately. Not quite sure where I'm supposed to be.

Day 09 – Best scene ever

The one that sticks out in my mind is the scene where... wait, no, I can't tell. Someone I know hasn't reached that part yet!

But the second best scene ever is when friggin' Eeyore gives away Piglet's house and Piglet just goes with it even though it's breaking his heart and then Pooh tells Piglet he will share his home! Eeyore: what an ass.

Day 10 – A book you thought you wouldn’t like but ended up loving
Wizard's First Rule. I never thought I could like a fantasy book, and the first chapter was boring. But then, boom! It picked up and kept up for the whole book and honestly became one of my absolute favourites!

Day 11 – A book that disappointed you
The Notebook. The movie was so good! The book was so boring.

Booksy, Day 8

Day 08 – A book everyone should read at least once

I really think everyone should at least give Wizard's First Rule a read, just once. I really thought that it gave me a lot to think about regarding life in general. It sounds silly, but it's true. You'd know what I meant if you read it, I'm sure. Give it a go!

Embarrassed - an update.

My most embarrassing moment: I was in my jazz singing lesson when my teacher at the time told me it's time to try scatting. "Just sing whatever comes into your head, even if it's nonsense. There's no wrong way to scat."
"I can't do that, I don't know what to say!" She scatted as an example, and it sounded great. "Ok, your turn. Sing this line, then have at it."
I sang the line, and then she nodded her head for me to start. "Doot-doo. Umm, doo?"

Stop.

My teacher looked at me. "You're right. You can't scat. Never do that again," she said. She was serious.





... L, I know you feel my pain.

Booksy, Days 5-7

Sorry! I've been super busy in the last few days, and I really shouldn't be posting this now either...


Day 05 – A book or series you hate
Well, I don't know how to answer this one, since I generally don't finish books that I hate. However, I recently read Sisters by Danielle Steel and nearly fell over from dizziness after rolling my eyes so much. Really, it was a terrible read.

Day 06 – Favorite book of your favorite series OR your favorite book of all time
My favourite series has to be the Stephanie Plum series, my favourite book was Four to Score, where I believe Sally Sweet (the cross-dressing singer) is introduced and Joyce Barnhardt shows up again. Gosh, I could read those books over and over, I think! I gotta get through the 3 I'm reading now so I can get back to Plum!

My favourite book of all time is still Winnie the Pooh. Didn't I mention that already, though?

Day 07 – Least favorite plot device employed by way too many books you actually enjoyed otherwise
Plot device? Hmm... I guess it would be good looks causing people to underestimate a character's intelligence. However, it happens to me so often in real life...

Booksy: Day 4

Holy, how did I get to Day 4 already?

Day 04 – Your favorite book or series ever

Best book ever: Winnie the Pooh, by A. A. Milne. Don't laugh, it's written brilliantly. I felt like Milne captured the spirit of childhood imagination perfectly, without wasting time on boring omniscient descriptions. He just told the story as a child would, and too bad for you if you can't accept the goings-on.

Wait, you've read something better than Winnie the Pooh? Leave me some details!

Booksy - Day 3

Day 03 – The best book you’ve read in the last 12 months

Hands down... OUTLANDER! Oh-em-gee I loved that book! I mean, holy. Big, hunky young highlander who is brave (and stubborn) enough to be the hero-type, plus young and naïve enough to ask questions about his feelings. Lots of dastardly behaviour, lots of scandal, lots of sex. A great escape!

Did you read Outlander? What did you think? What is the best book you've read in the last 12 months?

Booksy - Day 2

Day 02 – A book or series you wish more people were reading and talking about

I wish people would talk about the Stephanie Plum series! I understand that people don't want to give away any of the plot lines and twists, but good golly it would be nice to gossip about the books while you're reading them! Then again, I haven't read the last one yet, so don't spoil it for me!

Booksy

Get ready, folks: as suggested by [not-sure-if-she-wants-to-be-named], I'm going to participate in the 30-day book talk! Just keep in mind that lately I'm very tired so my posts will get right to the knitty-gritty.

Day 1: A book series you wish had gone on longer OR a book series you wish would just freaking end already (or both!)
Honestly, the first series that came to mind was the Harry Potter series, for both circumstances. I loved the books, and I was so disappointed when I finished the last one, knowing that there weren't any more to enjoy! That being said, I was quite annoyed that the last book was mostly a hiking trip. It ended at a good time, I think.
Note: I've heard tell that the James Potter series is comparable - and it has now been placed on my TBR (To Be Read) shelf!

Oh, I shouldn't forget - the series that shouldn't have gone on as long as it did was definitely A Series of Unfortunate Events. The first book was suffice. It was depressing, but more because it was so bad. I'm still not sure why it was so popular.

Which series do you wish had continued or ended? Comment below, email me, or post on your own!

How Embarrassing!

One of the things I hate is being asked about my most embarrassing moment. I don't really have one. I know, it sounds impossible, because I have lived through millions of moments and one of them must be more uncomfortable than another, but while that's true I still can't think of one that really strikes me as mortifying.

Once in grade 2, Tammy pulled me across the floor by my arms and my tights donut-rolled all the way down to my knees. The whole class saw my bare butt. I guess that was embarrassing, but I'm sure I'm the only one who remembers it.

I think in grade 6 or 7 I got caught in a huge lie about having a boyfriend. I don't care much about that now.

Once, when a man was introducing himself to me, it took something like 4 tries for him to tell me his name, and then my husband had to translate for me. The guy spoke English! He was Scottish, his name was Stuart. This is how I remember it:

 Him: "Hi, Ahmshtrüuht." 

 Me: "Pardon?" 

 Him: "AhmSHTRÜUHT." 

 Me: "Hee hee," I tittered both out of nervousness and in case he was making a joke of some sort. "Sorry, what did you say?" 

 Him: "AHHM SHTRÜÜUUURHT." 

 Me: *Deer-in-the-headlights*

 My husband: "HE'S STUART!"

So while those are all uncomfortable, I don't want to die rather than remember those times, and I don't blush at the thought of them. That only leads me to believe that, a) I have so many smallish embarrassing moments that I'm desensitized, or b) I have yet to live my Most Embarrassing Moment. 

Crap.

My Daughter Has Perfect Comic Timing!

I think this dream is a stand-alone on the blogging front:

I dreamt I was jumping over a candlestick, seriously. In my dream, I was serious about getting over that candlestick. 

...I know, right?

It really stinks that people now assume that a car horn means "F-you!" I was driving today when someone cut across my lane and made me slam on my brakes to avoid hitting her. I honked the horn to let her know she needs to watch where she's driving, and lo and behold, the passenger turns and flips me the bird!

Now, taking into consideration the fact that if I were, say, drunk and slow to respond, I would have hit the passenger. Same for if my brakes failed or I just wasn't paying attention. I find it outrageous that the passenger would give me the finger for pretty much saving her life! I think she should have given her friend, the driver, the finger.

I honestly think that people in their cars need to CALM DOWN and really think about what's happening around them. I honked because it might give the driver a reminder to check next time before cutting across lanes, not to say, "F-You, [insert offensive term here]!" I was angry that I had to adjust my driving because she was stupid, but I wasn't honking out of anger.

...That being said, I really hope the passenger drives her own car into a tree.* Honk.

*Oh, calm down. A sapling, then. Geez.

A List/Literacy Post

Just for some fluff, here's a list of words I wish I could use without sounding like a wanker.

This kid isn't a wanker.

#1: Wanker
#2: Dude. I feel like I'm way too old to get away with it. I still use it, though. I'm a wanker.
#3: Citrouille (quite possibly the best sounding French word. Stupid English and their "pumpkin.")
#4: Bloke (so much better than "guy" or "dude")
#5: Sexy. It's just not sexy when I say it. It's more matter-of-fact.
#6: Smashing - definitely a wanker-word when used as an adjective. Look for it in my tweets this week!
#7: Torte (I could never tell someone I'm serving torte without laughing)
#8: Fuck (I say it when I'm really mad, but I sound like a wanker)
#9: Tuppence. It's just fun, but won't ever be in my daily vocabulary.
#10: Antidisestablishmentarianism. I could look up the meaning, but really I just like all the letters and the way it sounds.

*Shut-up about the formatting and continuity. I was at the zoo all day and I'm tired. Shh.

Not too Bloggy

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. I haven't been feeling up to it. It's been sunny (and hot and rainy and weathery) out, I'm off work for the next 6 weeks, the baby has learned to climb the stairs, and I'm desperately trying to get some reading, I mean cleaning, done. You know how it is. I'll be back by the Fall!

Bye-Bye, Bratty!

Disclaimer: not all children are created equal, and these may not work for everyone. This is just a sample of what I have tried and what has worked.

Ever have one of those moments when your child, whom you love more than breath itself, is testing your boundaries, and you can hear in the back of your mind "Beat on the Brat" by the Ramones? Of course, we'd never take that advice, but it makes for good fantasy when your sweetheart suddenly turns into the That Kid.

My 4-year-old isn't really that bad, and, thank God, she's quite polite in public. However, she does have her moments. Here are some techniques that get us both through the attitude when my sweet girl turns into a Mean Girl:

1. Get Down. I get down to her level, and I look her in the eye. Heck, depending on her mood I'll get right in her face, Jillian Michaels style (minus the heinous banshee screaming). I find that I'm pretty hard to ignore if I'm sitting in her lap.
2. Get Low. I'm talking about volume. Like me, she seems immune to whining or yelling. So while we're nose-to-nose I'll speak in my "inside voice." If she's straining to hear me, then I can be assured that she's focused.
3. Get Serious. If you're going to make threats, be prepared to follow through, even at the expense of your own leisure. I like to show that I mean business and I'm not full of hot air. If I tell her that she better quit it or we're leaving, I mean it. Unfortunately that may mean you have to apologize for the inconvenience of planning an unsuccessful playdate. If you're a counter (i.e. "I'm going to count to three...") I suggest you do something, anything (within reason), once you get to three. Rolling your eyes and repeating yourself doesn't count.
4. Get Real. This is one I really strive for. It's all about making the punishment fit the crime. I try to figure out what is really causing the conflict. Is she refusing to leave the t.v. at bathtime? Turn it off. If she's having a fit at the store, as much as it's a pain, I'm willing pick up and go home, leaving the cart of groceries where it is. Yes, that sucks for me, but I haven't had to do it more than once.

My main point is to be honest about what your role is and how you want to be treated. Be a role model and show your child how to act (or react) when you're being disrespected. Show her you respect her enough to look out for her best interests and that's why you are sticking to your guns. And don't forget to remind her how much you love her.

Talk to that Bitch!

Have you ever been to a party and seen that woman with her nose in the air over her glass of wine, not talking to anyone? Me neither. Who really parties like that? Psh.

Let's start over. Do you remember that girl who would say hello but wouldn't bother with any further conversation? Remember how snooty she was, how she wouldn't give you the time of day, even though you know she noticed you because she looked right at you for a second? What a bitch.

Well, my friend, chances are the bitch is you. Yeah, I said it. I was the "snooty" girl, all through high school and even some later days. I would say hi to anyone, but conversation after that just didn't happen. It wasn't because I was a snob, it was because I was shy.

Shyness isn't all giggles and down-turned eyes. It is having your mind go blank after you shocked yourself that you even had the guts to say hello in the first place! It's making that eye-contact (bravo!) and freezing because you're sure you look like a loser and omigosh what can you possibly have in common with someone who is so comfortable with everyone?

It's taken years for me to be able to get over some of my shyness, and even now I struggle with it. I still force myself to say hello, and then make a comment on the weather. It's hard to talk to people! I'm sure I offended someone at some point with one of my comments and it ended badly, and that may be why I can't think of things to say right away. I stop talking right after I start so that I can "feel you out" (not that way, cowboy) and filter my words to be as docile as possible. I want to be your friend!

I'm not saying that all people who act this way are shy, nor that shy people can't be bitches. That's very possible. But there are some key personality differences between the snots and the timid.
If you say hello and her answer sounds like a good-bye, she's probably not looking for a connection of any kind. Shy people tend to look at you from the bottom up (since they're working up the courage to make eye-contact), while snots look at you from the top down. Watch out, though, because if she's working on the eye-contact thing, then she might look at your eyes then look down quickly. Big difference between that maneuvre and the once-over from a frigid witch.

Watch lips, too. If the bottom one fidgets or curls under her teeth, she's probably shy. If her top lip pulls back, probably not, especially if her neck pulls back at the same time (maybe check your breath if that happens). One easy way to tell that she's a snooty-poo is if you say hi and she walks away (duh). A shy person would freeze up. A snot might choose to turn, body first, and just leave.

Don't identify with any of this? Lucky you! You could do us shy-gals a favour and make it easier on us. If you're not afflicted with diffidence, then be the first to talk - we love that. Feel free to talk about yourself (you know you want to); we love that, too. Is there something you wish we'd discuss? Specifically ask about it. Don't think for a second that we are capable of holding our own in a conversation after just having met. In my experience, after meeting a person for the first time, my train of thought doesn't even leave the station. In short, be a blabbermouth for the first little bit, and we'll get along just fine!

Ah, girls, it's really a gift to be able to feel comfortable with strangers. Shyness isn't something that you have to live with forever, but it does take a lot of hard work to get over. It would be so much easier if society would just keep an open mind about new people, at least until they've really had a chance to engage a bit. So the next time you see someone with a chilly disposition, talk to that bitch! She may be one of the coolest people you meet.

Girl vs. Nature

For the first time since I moved into my house seven years ago, I planted flowers in the flower garden. There were plants in there from the previous owners (a huge pine tree that my husband chopped down two years ago, a hydrangea, some euonymus plants, and tulips), but I thought it needed more colour so I added pansies. Yay, me!

What happened next surprised me most of all... I was overwhelmed with the urge to increase my curb appeal. Me, the house-dweller, the nature-lover-from-afar (preferably indoors)!

So here it is... me vs. nature. I'm going to hike up my pants and try and see what I can do with this mess of a lawn! Whoa, Nelly - don't get all excited! Like most of my obsessions, this will either explode and then fizzle quickly, or it will happen gradually and you'll see the best results next year. It will likely be the latter, since I'm broke and can't afford to go crazy with the weed and feed.

Right now, my lawn's composed of mostly dandelion, clover, and some other little purple flowering plant, with a little bit of grass in between. I have no idea where to start. So I just mowed today. Mowed the gigantic dandelions. Yee-haw! I'm off to Google dandelion control.  I already know to try and pull them. Maybe if I aim for two or three plants a day? Any advice of the frugal variety?

Old School Girl in a New School World

Last week, my baby nearly choked. I actually had to pull her out of her high chair and administer baby-Heimlich in order to dislodge the Cheerio* that was blocking her airway.
As I told an acquaintance about the experience, the first question she asked me was, "Why didn't you post it on Facebook or Twitter?" I was confused. In my mind, having your child choke isn't something you just broadcast to anyone and everyone. It's horrific and something I'd sooner forget, actually. Why would I post it on Facebook? What kind of mother comforts her hysterical baby and then immediately heads to whatever medium is closest to report the incident to the Twitterverse?
How backward am I that I want to keep private things private? I constantly struggle not to rebel and cut off my Facebook account entirely, because I have principles that state that my Friends are people I talk to in person, or most impersonally via email. Why should I let just anyone who adds me to their list witness the most important events of my life (good or bad)?
So if I am averse to letting loose via social networking, why do I continue to tweet/blog/update my statuses? Because that's what the kids are doing nowadays, and I don't want to be out of touch. With two daughters growing up in a techno-savvy world, the last thing I need is for my youngsters to be able to pull the wool over my eyes for any reason. Responsible parenting dictates that I need to take an active interest in the things that my kids are (or will be) interested in, so I can be armed with information in any circumstance. Electronic social networking is one of the tools I use to keep my kids safe.
In addition to that reason, I keep up with these things because it's the easiest way to keep in touch with people. Impersonal? Yes. Convenient? Heck yeah. I'll be the first to admit it's awesome to be able to know what's going on via personal play-by-plays, and connections are so much more to-the-point. I repeat myself less if I just post it on the Web.
All in all, I'm happy I didn't post my baby's traumatic experience. But, using my favourite privacy settings, I might loosen up a little bit in the future. Besides, I have to admit that I'm in touch with some of the coolest people I know and almost-really-know online, and those connections are worth the effort it takes to summarize my life in 140 characters or less.

*Despite the hole in the middle, a Cheerio can still choke a child. I didn't think it could, either!

Get Lucky

"I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it." ~ Thomas Jefferson

Welcome to my new obsession: the Luck Theory.

I feel like experimenting with this. How lucky can I get if I just push myself a little harder and get out of my comfort zone? I'm not all that comfortable anyway, so I might as well be a tad less comfy for a couple of weeks and see where it takes me.

First things first: I want to win something. Piece of cake, right? I won some good stuff in the last few months, so I wonder if I can do it again? My strategy: enter some contests, because I can't win if I don't play. Here I go!! Wish me luck! Or should I say, "wish me lucky?"

Stats Sunday - 87 days to go!

As of today, I have 87 days to go before I return to work, and start a new, regular routine! Things I need to fit in: work, family time, workouts, housework, and alone time (for sanity's sake). Also, I need to figure out if I'm weaning the baby or pumping. I think I'll have to partially wean her because I won't have the freedom to pump 6 times a day at work. Maybe I'll just let the back-to-work process do the weaning for me - pump when I can, and arm myself with a whole lot of breast pads for the rest of the time.

I'd like to tell you what kind of workouts I planned for this week, but seriously, I'll just embarrass myself by not doing them. Here are the stats:

STATS
Starting weight (Feb. 15, 2010): 127 lbs.
Goal weight: 117 lbs.
Current weight: 126 lbs.
Measurements:
Arm: 11"
Bust: 37"
Waist: 31.5"
Hips: 36.5"
Thigh: 21"
Progress:
Weight lost: 1 lb.
Inches lost: 4"

Dumb it Down

Disclaimer: I believe every mother is allowed to believe her child is a genius.

Have you ever wondered if Albert Einstein had friends while growing up? I was thinking about it this week. I mean, without exhausting myself by researching it (that will happen later), I have to wonder if his genius hampered his social skills.* How often have I rolled my eyes at someone who constantly corrected me or cut into my conversations with tidbits of knowledge? How often have people rolled their eyes at me for doing the same thing? Why can't I listen to the Sevendust lyric "... fools often sometimes forget..." without throwing up in my mouth a little? I digress.**

My daughter is a know-it-all. I'm not entirely upset about it, because I'd rather she knew it all than knew nothing. Even so, she tends to correct people (everyone, really), at great length, when she thinks (or knows) that a mistake has been made. Are all kids like that? Perhaps. I tend to worry about my own, though.

I've had to pull her aside once or twice and quietly remind her that, while she is right, it's okay to let the other person figure it out for themselves once in a while. After giving me a Look, she shrugs and listens to my advice. The friends play nicely again.

This is where I admit I'm parenting myself in a weird, psychologically complex way. I wanted more friends when I was growing up. I was a know-it-all. People didn't like it. So, by helping Peanut to recognize a glazed-over look on her friends and what to do when she sees it, I feel like I'm helping Little Dee to make friends at last!

Oh, the hurt. Here's where I beat myself up for suffocating Peanut's Tree of Knowledge for the sake of a social life. It feels so wrong to tell my girl to "dumb it down" to avoid rejection. How do I solve such a riddle?

Well, I have to remind myself that it's not my turn to grow up, and it's time to let Peanut have her turn. There are some lessons in life that really don't need to be learned by experience (sex, drugs, hairstyles...). Then there are those that won't hit home unless they're learned in the midst of it all, and I think Making and Keeping Friends is probably one of them.

So, in the hopes that after an awkward childhood Peanut will make friends that share interests and knowledge, I guess it's safe to let her figure out when she'll benefit most from "dumbing it down."

---

* I'm not blowing hot air. This is a valid worry. Ha! Told you so.
The "told you so" was cheekiness. If I were on Facebook I'd add "LOL" so you wouldn't get mad at me.

**Anyone else think that "I digress" should really be stated as thus: "I'm digressing?" Anyone? No? Fine.

Twisted Sister (or Why I Can't Wear Plaid)

Let's get down to the knitty-gritty: I have scoliosis. I've actually been trying to hide that fact for, oh, 20-odd years. It is almost a subject of personal shame, but it's part of who I am. I feel kind of trapped by it. There hasn't been a day that has gone by without my thinking about it, or thinking about other people thinking about it.

Until recently, I wasn't brave enough to try to find out how others felt about it (or lived with it). I searched it on Twitter the other day and found quite a few people living with it (and quite a few crude jokes I have been lucky enough to have never heard before).
So what's the deal? Why am I gung-ho about letting the cat out of the bag now? I don't know, and that's the truth. Maybe I want to vent my frustration at not being able to wear the clothes I want to because it makes me look strange. I kind of want to raise awareness so that people will become desensitized and not get that glazed-over look on their faces when they realize my back isn't symmetrical. It would be nice if they thought of having scoliosis the same way they think of having extra weight. I'm curvy in more ways than one, people!

I definitely want to be able to talk about it with my girls, so that in case either of them develop it, they won't feel as uncomfortable about it as I was (and still am). Fake it 'til you make it.

Who wants some quick personal facts? I love 'em.

1. I wore 2 different kinds of braces when I was younger: the Milwaukee (sexy, I know), and the Charleston (mine was purple). The Milwaukee got me bullied in grade school. Jerks. I wore the Charleston overnight.
   
2. Scoliosis is more common than I ever thought. Lots of famous people have (or had) it, including Kurt Cobain, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Chloe Sevigny. I didn't know that, but it makes me feel better. I don't know why.
   
3. My first chiropractor was super creepy in that he wanted to "save" me, but I now think he just wanted $200/week. He also reminded me of Willy Wonka (now you know why I don't like that movie).

Plaid + scoliosis = lumpy strange mess. Also, the shirt was a bit snug. Needless to say I didn't buy it.

Super Quick Stats

For the curious (which will likely only be my future self): All the stats are the same this week. No losses, but no gains!

STATS
Starting weight: 127 lbs.
Goal weight: 117 lbs.
Current weight: 125 lbs.
Measurements:
Arm: 11"
Bust: 38"
Waist: 31"
Thigh: 20"
Hips: 37"
Progress:
Weight lost: 2 lbs.
Inches lost: 4"

Success in spite of myself!

It was challenging getting anything done around the house this week because I was sick for a few days, followed by the girls. I know I could have done much more (there were times I caught myself just staring into space) but I didn't feel like it. I vacuumed the living room on Friday because I forced myself to. It took quite a pep talk, though.

Regardless, there is some significant loss this week. I'm going to continue to try and focus on getting my life organized.* Hopefully with more effort I'll see better improvement next week!

STATS
Starting weight: 127 lbs.
Goal weight: 117 lbs.
Current weight: 125 lbs.
Measurements:
Arm: 11"
Bust: 38"
Waist: 31"
Thigh: 20"
Hips: 37" Someone had asked about this measurement. I didn't include it originally because I don't want to lose any inches there! Maybe I can tone my butt and gain an inch?
Progress:
Weight lost: 2 lbs.
Inches lost: 4"

*In case you're interested, my main goal this week is to either put away all photos into albums - I'll put them in order another time - or fill up the photo albums I have, whichever comes first. I think I'll run out of albums, to be honest. I'll try not to feel lost if that happens.

Top Ten Tuesday

Top Ten Diets I've Tried

The diets listed below may or may not be labelled correctly. I'm just trying to describe them as best I can. You get the main idea. I'm not endorsing anything but #1, either.

10. Atkins Diet. I ate a lot of meat on day one. Then I felt really sick and never tried it again.

9. Soup Diet. This one worked for the three days I lasted on it. There is only so much soup I can take. I haven't been able to stomach soup since, unless it has been really cold out or I've been really, really sick. It's been 10 years since I tried it.

8. Low-Fat Diet. I really had high hopes for this one. I substituted the "light" version of everything I could, but I didn't notice any difference in weight loss nor in how I felt. Also, things just didn't taste as good.

7. Meal Replacement Diet. I had one of those shakes in the morning and at lunch, then a healthy meal in the evening, followed by another helping of the healthy meal, then some dessert, then a couple of snacks, some more dessert, another snack, maybe some pop...

6. Cereal Diet. Feeling peckish? Have some low-fat, whole grain cereal with skim milk. I was hoping this one would help me get my daily quota of fibre, but all I got was a bowl of cereal as an appetizer to the much tastier chocolate cake I was hiding in the freezer.

5. Salad Diet. Similar to the Cereal Diet, except I'd have salad. That one only worked for the first day, and then I got too lazy to wash lettuce.

4. Serving-Size Diet. Easy-peesy-buzzing-beezy. Eat what I want, but keep it within the serving size listed on the nutritional information chart. Yeah right. I ended up having one serving at a time. It did help me to become aware of what I was eating, at least.

3. Water Diet. Have a glass of water before anything I eat. I guess this one helped me to get my water quota each day, kept me hydrated, and helped me avoid bingeing, but I also peed a lot and still ate a bunch of junk. Not much weight loss, but I felt pretty good.

2. Sugar-Free Diet. This one actually worked pretty well. I didn't find it too difficult because I was substituting Splenda. I lost some weight, and I felt pretty good thanks to the absence of sugar-highs and crashes. I'll probably try this one again (and again). I'm just waiting to stop nursing (I don't want to overload the baby with Sucralose).

1. Healthy Food Plus Exercise. Once again, the only thing that really worked with lasting results. Sigh.

Life is a Workout

What a discouraging week! I fell off the wagon, so to speak, with regards to my sugary drink boycott. I ate the worst junk, and not only once, but all week! I told myself that I shouldn't eat it as I shovelled it in. Then I felt like crap, physically and mentally.

I think I want to simplify things this week. I've been neglecting some chores that really should be done, and so I will challenge myself to get things done around the house that might make life a little more enjoyable. Those little bees in my bonnet are going to get swatted one by one. Besides, having an "active lifestyle" basically translates into getting off your ass, right?

I'm going to see if I can lose a pound this week just by living. It's time to get rid of the cobwebs in my house and in my head!

STATS
Starting weight: 127 lbs.
Goal weight: 117 lbs.
Current weight: 127 lbs.
Measurements:
Arm: 11"
Bust: 39.5"
Waist: 32"
Thigh: 20.5"
Progress:
Weight lost: 0 lbs.
Inches lost: 1"

A Good Point

Did you believe in me? Oh, you don't know me well. I drank the poison today (i.e. two sugary drinks - eek)! Where is my willpower?

Alas, what's done is done. I was talking to a friend tonight who reminded me that the best recovery is done swiftly. So instead of saying "next week I'll be good," I can say, "that sucked, but now I've had what I craved and can move on." Which makes me wonder: can I move on?

I had those drinks to wash down a whole lot of junk food. What was that about? Like I mentioned before, I know my triggers, but seriously, what can I do about them? I really think I need to expend energy somehow, instead of treating my boredom with food. How do I do that with the kids? The kids and my boobs? (Heh heh. At least one of you will get that.)

New game plan: Scrap the game plans. They don't ever work for me. Find something that works for the moment and stick to it for the moment.

Sugar, You're Sweet Enough

I had always suspected that I was an emotional eater, but when I really paid attention this week, I witnessed it. When I'm happy, I dance. When I'm angry, I fume. When I'm frustrated, I eat.

Ok, think. What would Jillian do? I found my trigger, but now what? If I think about it too much, I'm going to need want a Swiss Roll to calm myself down.

Last week I decided to cut out sugary drinks. I calculated that with nursing, I would be "burning" approximately 800 calories a day* if I resist juice/pop/coffee/etc. Yesterday, I had my first real temptation... and blew it. My dear husband brought home Five Alive, and I couldn't didn't resist! I was having a stressful morning and I threw caution to the wind and had probably a little over 500mL. Oh well. The real challenge comes from having the rest of it in our fridge, along with three other tasty, sugary drinks of the frozen concentrated variety.

My game plan this week: Think of this week as a Biggest Loser challenge. First person to have a sugary drink before Sunday will have a 2-lbs. disadvantage. Work on my inner dialogue. Find 10 minutes a day to work out, and actually do it.

* Sounds like a lot, doesn't it? It would probably mean significant weight loss if I ate a healthy diet, but unfortunately, I top that off with ice cream, cake, chips, and dip. Burning 800 calories doesn't do much when I eat 2500 a day.

STATS
Starting weight: 127 lbs.
Goal weight: 117 lbs.
Current weight: 125 lbs.
Measurements:
Arm: 11"
Bust: 39"
Waist: 32.5"
Thigh: 21"
Progress:
Weight lost: 2 lbs.
Inches lost: 0.5"

Top Ten Tuesday

Top Ten Ways to Look Thinner
10. Don't slouch. Remember what your mama told ya. Not only does slouching lengthen your torso so that your boobs aren't high-fiving your navel, it engages your core muscles and aids in digestion, which will help bloating, which will make you look thinner!

9. Wear smoothing garments. I'm talking about things like Spanx.

8. Suck it in. Duh.

7. Wear dark colours, head to toe. I've heard that this makes you look less lumpy, but I've also heard it makes you look like Morticia.

6. Get a good bra. I cannot stress this enough. In fact, I will be doing a full-fledged post on this in a few weeks.

5. Wear heels. The longer you make yourself, the thinner you'll look. Note: Don't go overboard and get 4-inchers if you can't handle them. Better to look plump and poised than thinner and ridiculous.

4. Avoid salt. Salt = retention.

3. Get enough sleep. Sleep deprivation = retention.

2. Pay attention to your hair. There are ways to make your hair complement your body type. Ask a good stylist.

1. Get a good mix of diet and exercise. Ugh. I know. I wish I could avoid it, too. However, I'd be kidding myself if I didn't admit that this is the absolute best way to achieve a great silhouette.

Starting to Lose It!

It's Monday morning, and I'm raring to go. I jumped out of bed, checked my email, Twitter, and Facebook. I read a page of my book. I played 10 minutes of Bejeweled. Then I decided to lose weight. Yep, it was that simple.

Okay, this is the umpteenth time I'm doing it, but after seeing that a friend lost 16 lbs. since Christmas, and watching her refuse some chocolate covered almonds that I was wolfing down, I thought it might be time to take control.

What are my hurdles? I am still nursing my 8-month-old, so I can't cut out too many calories or I will sacrifice my milk supply. I also need to worry about rapid weight loss, because losing weight too quickly will release toxins into her milk. Vigorous exercise releases lactic acid into my milk, which makes it bitter to taste and thus Baby won't drink. Slow and steady is my only option here.

This week, I'm going to try not to drink my calories. Yes, I'll have a couple of glasses of milk, but other than that, I'll be having unsweetened lemonade or water. More than likely it'll be the lemonade. I hate plain water.

STATS
Starting weight: 127 lbs.
Goal weight: 117 lbs.
Current weight: 127 lbs.
Measurements:
Arm: 11"
Bust: 39"
Waist: 33"
Thigh: 21"
Progress:
Weight lost: --
Inches lost: --

ETA: My personal scientist has informed me that my milk will taste sour, not bitter. Interesting.